Monday, June 30, 2014

Being "That Girl"

 For me, cancer was light years ago. It's great to just enjoy life with all the wonder and magic it brings. My brain swirls with creative ideas, sometimes even keeping me up at night. Talent limitations, don’t concern me anymore, because I realize its fun to step out of my comfort zone. Why not? I faced Goliath so what am I afraid of? I have been surprising myself.  At times, society has not kept pace with me. Little comments like, “How are you doing, Lynn?” “I mean, how are you REALLY doing?” While these comments are coming from the best of intentions, my warrior spirit becomes agitated- Because REALLY, I’m doing FINE! Cancer was four years ago and that train has left depot I took its benefits and left it’s horror at the station a long time ago. My identity is not in cancer. 

    Maybe the reason it bothers me so much is no matter how much I distance myself from “the event,” (if I'm honest), I sometimes internally question my aches and wonder, “is it back?” When I am questioned, I mean, “REALLY” questioned, I smart just a little because maybe they see something in me that is a little off. It triggers an minute identity crisis. There are so many little facets to this recovery thing, even for those who appear to have it together. 

         It’s made me think a little different about my friends and how I, myself  communicate.  How many times do I look at people with drama seeking glasses even if for the best of reasons?  Pretty sure you know what I mean, but let me say it how it usually goes, “Oh there’s that girl- you know the one with the drug addicted son, and that girl who’s marriage has fallen apart, and that girl who cheated on her boyfriend, and that girl who pretended to be a Christian but ended up in jail for stealing, and that girl who lost her kid in the accident.” It's not to judge them, it's just how we've identified them in our minds.What if we just put all that aside and saw the person?  How does God look at us? 

     We humans seem to have long coat of memories of the past hanging in the closets of our mind.  Remember the story of Peter and his name change from Simon?  Jesus tells Simon, that he is now Peter- Peter the Rock. The name change indicated a new identity for Simon but frankly, Simon struggled numerous times with it.  Jesus pointed it out when his actions did not match his new name change. The way Jesus did it made me chuckle just a little.

     Instead of saying, “Come on, Peter step up to your calling.” Jesus strategically just reverts back to calling him Simon in the sentence to drive home the message.  Remember this incident? “And He came and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, "Simon, are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour?"  Matt.14:37.  The conversation happens in the garden when Jesus needs him most, yet “Simon” falls asleep instead of praying with him. He wasn't living up to the “Peter” who had walked on the water. I so enjoy Jesus' candor. 

        Haven’t you done that with your kids to send them a message? When our kids took their time to get ready, it would not be unusual for Doug or I to say to them, “Come on Forest!–Let’s get going!” Why would we do this? Because they were driving us crazy being slower than their normal selves!  They always got the message loud and clear.  Jesus was doing the same with Peter. It was a motivational sting perhaps that said “Remember Peter, you are now the Rock!”  Don’t just be someone that hears (this is what Simon’s name meant), but be someone I can build my church on.

   Here’s the great news for me and others.  Peter did leave us an example of a life that finally embraced his destiny and calling. In his letter to the churches later in the bible, he introduces himself as Peter, the apostle of Christ. He got it and we can too. When looking at our scars, we must remember we are no longer cancer patients, thief’s, broken or hypocrites. We are now healthy, giving, whole and true. I think when I'm questioned in the future about how I REALLY am, I will simply just reply, "They are making a female version of the Brave Heart movie and I'm the star." It will do two things: get their eyes focused on my victory and send a message to my own brain.  It's time to walk in our destiny and see that destiny in others, because we are not That girl, we are His girl whose name has been changed.  

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