Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Learning to Dance

Watering the grass on the bottom of the little hill has always been problematic.  It’s got a few obstacles working against it.  Gravity makes the water runs off but also the soil has so much silt that the water washes over it.  Doug decided that we needed some sort of retainer to hold in the moisture so it could soak better.    He brought home a ten foot beam to become the barrier.  We only needed to dig down and sink it about five inches for it to be stable.   I wanted to do the job - I love digging!  Doug unloaded a trailer on the far side of the yard while I began the easy task at the base of the hill… so I thought.
My tools were gathered and I surveyed how I was going to attack this project.  I decided that first of all I had to dig in a straight line.  I pulled out the grass over my imaginary line and drug my shovel over the top of the soil to mark my digging path.  After I had the line drawn, I began sinking the shovel sideways down the path. Several times the blade of my trowel bounced off as it had met the edge of the blacktop that was hidden beneath the dirt.   I chipped away at the blacktop whose edges had hardened when it originally oozed over the border until a straight edge emerged.
 The side with the blacktop was a challenge, but not near so much as the side with dirt.  Every time I’d try to make a distinct edge with the trowel, it back filled with sand.   I had to dig wider to accommodate, but proudly finished the job!  I called Doug over to look at my completed placement of the board.  He smiled and said, “Great job, but you gotta go deeper to make it work right.”  Urgh!!! 
Determined I went back to work alone on my project.  I yanked the board out the hole to start on the project again.  Deeper, Wider, Chipping at the Blacktop, Sand back filling and now the morning coolness was gone. Over and over again until I could get it right.  Sweat was running down my head under my wig and my foot was starting to hurt.  Mumbling to myself that this was a stupid project with no end in sight, it was there, I heard Him gently speak so clearly.  Isn’t this when God always does?  Or maybe we just are ready to listen?
 “Deeper, Wider, Chipping at the Blacktop, Sand back filling” You see, I have been so frustrated lately.  My goal has just been to get healthy.    Although I am cancer free right now – chemo really does a number on your body.   My hair hasn’t grown in right even 6 month later and the doctor says this isn’t typical, I lost all my nails so they are now growing in – but that included ingrown toenails, I need four crowns on my teeth and two root canals- it wrecks your teeth.  The medication I’m on makes me retain water which in turn caused me to have planter fasciitis – stretched tendons under my foot so my special morning walks are on hold, did I mention warts on my hand that needed to  burned off?.   .  This is just a small list of things they don’t tell you during treatment.   I heard it again…
“Deeper, Wider, Chipping at the Blacktop, Sand back filling” Yeah, Lord I get it, it’s frustrating!  What’s the deal?  I slumped down for a moment on the edge of driveway.  I was a mess of dirt, sweat and lack of hope of ever finishing.   God moved closer and I felt His love melt over me and say “Lynn, I’m right here and I have so enjoyed our special time and my favorites are when you draw so close, we dance as one. “   The bells went off in my sprit. Oh my Gosh... I got it Lord!  You see, God has had a different goal for me than getting healthy.  Yes, He wants me whole, but He’s never changed His game plan since the day I was born and that goal is for me to draw closer to Him.   When I change my goal to His, there is a whole new perspective on life’s little inconveniences.   They are places to take advantage of rather than places to stumble and complain.  
He is building a foundation in me too like the board in my yard.  This structure is meant to bring life to the dry areas of my soul. The board He is laying is a process that includes: deepening my love for Him, making my faith wider, chipping at areas where I’ve lost hope and even facing my failures over and over again.   
I stood to my feet and dug deeper and wider until the area was cleared, smooth and leveled. I was finally done.  My hands hurt from the grip of the blade and I was hot as the sun baked my body. At long last the board dropped into place.  This time it was perfect.  It’s funny, no one that passes by the front of my home will ever know it had to be deeper, wider, chipped in to fit or that the sand kept filing in, to me, that crazy board has been another beautiful dance.