Today is the Day I've been given!

Extreme pressures at work, loved ones in denial, ministry not going the way it should be, studying for insurance exam and icing on the cake? – a visit with the plastic surgeon who tells me  that I will need three surgeries to put “Humpty” back together again. I was thinking one surgery.   I don’t have enough sick time left.  Now it will postpone into next year.    All of these distractions have been the video playing in my head.  

I know I’m not different than most folks by carrying the camel instead of the camel carrying my stuff.  When they took my blood pressure yesterday it was very high.   My blood pressure has always been ridiculously low in the past.  When I woke up this morning,  God told me to take a little walk with Him. I did.  

As we walked together, He gently told me that, “Today is the day, I gave you, Lynn.  I want you to know it’s the day you’ve been given and not GIVE IN! “Wow, I’ve been giving in to the pressures and letting it get to me.   Funny how quickly we do this.    It’s because we don’t realize that every breath and every heartbeat belongs to Him! – It doesn’t belong to a circumstance, a busy life,  a problem,  or a must do! You would think I’d get this by now.

Came back home with a new perspective this morning.  I Love Today!  Tomorrow’s not mine yet, but today God gave me This Day!   What will I make of it?  The best I can for Him and for others!    There is always room to grow and discover beauty beyond what is in front of me.  Even if the day doesn’t feel good, all the more reason then,  to reach out and  connect with God and others.  I will be encouraging others today to enjoy This day.   Pretty sure a very ancient friend of mine got it right when he said,” This is the Day that the Lord has made, I WILL rejoice and be glad in it!”  

I'm His Favorite!

 Tommy wrapped his finger a little tighter around his mother’s hand.  He loved their special moments together.  His mom cuddled him close and whispered, “don’t tell the others, but you are really my favorite.”   His heart soared at the thought because he was her best kept secret! 

Seventy five years later, Tommy stood at the chapel with his siblings for the funeral of his parent.   Each child stood to testify of the goodness of their mother.  Their mom’s love was far greater than any of them could have imagined, for she had a secret with each of them.   All of them had been told “don’t  tell the others, but you are really my favorite!” 

I felt that way this morning because God met me on Las Posas Road with the silliest of ways.  He made my heart soar!  You see, I’m God’s favorite!  

 As I went about my 7 am walk, I was listening to a song called “You loved me anyway” by Sideway Prophets.    It is a song about brokenness and being the worst of the worst, however God’s love penetrates beyond all reason and He loves us so unconditionally.   I was reflecting upon my leadership group at church.  We have been discussing how many of us perceive love as something that comes with performance.   Whether this notion was self imposed or something our parents did it to us, we respond as we grow older by never feeling good enough or becoming work alcoholics.   The older I get the more I’m aware of how lost and broken I am and in need of  a Savior.  You’d think I’d be focused on my outstanding Christian accomplishments and ride on the wings of angels trumpeting - how God is with me.  - Nope not by a long shot.  I think God has me just where he wants me – broken.   

  So here I am singing out loud with my earbuds on, “… and You loved me anyway…”  My arms are moving up and down to the rhythm of the beat.   My hand naturally formed a cup as it reached back with the swing of momentum; I felt it couple around something wet and soft.  FREAKED OUT, my hand jerked forward and attached to it was the juicy muzzle of a huge Pit Bull! He had spooned his jowls into the palm of my hand. 

Now, I can’t imagine of a more powerful dog. Known for their bite, hold and shake actions, I was scared to death.  This super structure would have me by the neck and I would be laid out on the sidewalk of a main thoroughfare in Camarillo.  How poetic for the dog lover that her last days on earth would end by means of a dog.  

Like receiving an heart-filled  encouragement after a rough day, so my troubles changed in that instant.   Mr. Pit Bull jumped in front of me and wagged his tail like the annoying kid in the front row at school trying to get noticed !  Let me tell you,  I NOTICED! This incredible Hulk was a cupcake!   I stroked his coarse fur and renamed him, “Lover Boy.”   He was screaming, “ you’re my favorite, you’re my favorite!,  I don’t know where he came from, but he followed me for the rest of my mile and then we turned around and walked back.  As I neared my street, Lover Boy snuggled close for another hug then turned and went up another direction.  

 I got the message from the God today.  He used His friend , Lover Boy to tell me that no matter how powerful, strong and mighty God is, he is so gentle with me.   I know why too – “I’m His favorite!”

Learning to Dance

Watering the grass on the bottom of the little hill has always been problematic.  It’s got a few obstacles working against it.  Gravity makes the water runs off but also the soil has so much silt that the water washes over it.  Doug decided that we needed some sort of retainer to hold in the moisture so it could soak better.    He brought home a ten foot beam to become the barrier.  We only needed to dig down and sink it about five inches for it to be stable.   I wanted to do the job - I love digging!  Doug unloaded a trailer on the far side of the yard while I began the easy task at the base of the hill… so I thought.

My tools were gathered and I surveyed how I was going to attack this project.  I decided that first of all I had to dig in a straight line.  I pulled out the grass over my imaginary line and drug my shovel over the top of the soil to mark my digging path.  After I had the line drawn, I began sinking the shovel sideways down the path. Several times the blade of my trowel bounced off as it had met the edge of the blacktop that was hidden beneath the dirt.   I chipped away at the blacktop whose edges had hardened when it originally oozed over the border until a straight edge emerged.

 The side with the blacktop was a challenge, but not near so much as the side with dirt.  Every time I’d try to make a distinct edge with the trowel, it back filled with sand.   I had to dig wider to accommodate, but proudly finished the job!  I called Doug over to look at my completed placement of the board.  He smiled and said, “Great job, but you gotta go deeper to make it work right.”  Urgh!!! 

Determined I went back to work alone on my project.  I yanked the board out the hole to start on the project again.  Deeper, Wider, Chipping at the Blacktop, Sand back filling and now the morning coolness was gone. Over and over again until I could get it right.  Sweat was running down my head under my wig and my foot was starting to hurt.  Mumbling to myself that this was a stupid project with no end in sight, it was there, I heard Him gently speak so clearly.  Isn’t this when God always does?  Or maybe we just are ready to listen?

 “Deeper, Wider, Chipping at the Blacktop, Sand back filling” You see, I have been so frustrated lately.  My goal has just been to get healthy.    Although I am cancer free right now – chemo really does a number on your body.   My hair hasn’t grown in right even 6 month later and the doctor says this isn’t typical, I lost all my nails so they are now growing in – but that included ingrown toenails, I need four crowns on my teeth and two root canals- it wrecks your teeth.  The medication I’m on makes me retain water which in turn caused me to have planter fasciitis – stretched tendons under my foot so my special morning walks are on hold, did I mention warts on my hand that needed to  burned off?.   .  This is just a small list of things they don’t tell you during treatment.   I heard it again…

“Deeper, Wider, Chipping at the Blacktop, Sand back filling” Yeah, Lord I get it, it’s frustrating!  What’s the deal?  I slumped down for a moment on the edge of driveway.  I was a mess of dirt, sweat and lack of hope of ever finishing.   God moved closer and I felt His love melt over me and say “Lynn, I’m right here and I have so enjoyed our special time and my favorites are when you draw so close, we dance as one. “   The bells went off in my sprit. Oh my Gosh... I got it Lord!  You see, God has had a different goal for me than getting healthy.  Yes, He wants me whole, but He’s never changed His game plan since the day I was born and that goal is for me to draw closer to Him.   When I change my goal to His, there is a whole new perspective on life’s little inconveniences.   They are places to take advantage of rather than places to stumble and complain.  

He is building a foundation in me too like the board in my yard.  This structure is meant to bring life to the dry areas of my soul. The board He is laying is a process that includes: deepening my love for Him, making my faith wider, chipping at areas where I’ve lost hope and even facing my failures over and over again.   

I stood to my feet and dug deeper and wider until the area was cleared, smooth and leveled. I was finally done.  My hands hurt from the grip of the blade and I was hot as the sun baked my body. At long last the board dropped into place.  This time it was perfect.  It’s funny, no one that passes by the front of my home will ever know it had to be deeper, wider, chipped in to fit or that the sand kept filing in, to me, that crazy board has been another beautiful dance.

My favorite Cowgirl

You know the cartoon with the horse that has a carrot dangling before him?  No matter how hard he chases that orange delight, it’s always about 12 inches in front of him.  Well… there you have it- my secret nightmare.   I am terrified that I will be caught in some wind tunnel, and off will go my wig.  Despite my best efforts, I will run and run only to have it blow out of reach.  It will be a never ending game. Did I mention that in my distress, I’d be running billiard bald with sporadic hair strands?   Sounds funny and it probably would be, but why subject myself to public humiliation if I don’t have to?

So…  you can see my dilemma when choosing to go on vacation this year – no jet boats, no windy ocean trips,  no swimming pools and look out for campfires ( melted synthetic hair is not a good look either).   So my hubby and I took off with some good friends to the Grand Canyon and worked our way back through Las Vegas.   I was still a little anxious about this adventure concerning my hairpiece.  I like to consider myself a strong woman, but this one thing breaks me down because I think about it every minute if weather is bad.  I quietly sucked it up.

I’m pretty sure the hallmark of a good friend is someone who just is, without even trying.   I am blessed to have someone like that in my life – Kathy Hart.  When we got to the Grand Canyon the night before, Kathy being the silly girl she is, said “l’m gonna buy a cowboy hat!”  Now I thought about that, but wearing a hat is cool if you decided you want to wear one.  It is frustrating if you Have to wear one to hold things in place.  However, I looked at her beaming smile and saw her game!  We were on vacation and this was Cowboy town!   I bought a hat too. 

The next morning we woke up, put our “cowgirl “on and headed for the Canyon!   I faced wind completely fearless since I was cinched up!  We laughed and didn’t have the slighted care of what others thought of us.   Never once did I feel like Kathy was doing it for me because I was broken, she was just being Kathy!   From that one adventure it empowered me to jump in the pool at Vegas, and later in the week , sit by at campfire!   We may never catch all the carrots or things we think we must have in order to feel good about ourselves, however I’ve discovered friendship is nothing I have to chase.  It just is.  Thank you Kathy for making my trip, but mostly for being an awesome Cowgirl!

"We'ed" be happy you are gone!

This morning I had a flashback of a crazy event that took place about 6 years ago.   Doug and I had the day off, but first Doug had to drop off some papers at his work.  We parked the car in front of his building and he quickly ran in.  Patiently waiting for his return, I noticed a 5 foot weed growing in one of their well groomed planters.  It was mystifying how a gardener could miss such a thing.  It was so out of balance like a tusk of an elephant sitting on a hamster head.   I just kept staring at this oddity and my unrest to remove it, could wait no longer.  It would take just a minute or two and I’d be back in the car before Doug returned.

I jumped out of the car, grabbed that monster about a foot from ground and began yanking!  I’m pretty sure the roots of that beast had been working its way to China.  I’d rock it a little and then pull with brute force.  The top of it brushed against my face and hair causing my eyes to water.   Now I was just plain determined – it was coming out!   I had it straddled and was employing my inner woman power, when it started to give in to my demands. 

About this time my puzzled husband came out of the office.  His mouth gapped open and his blank stare had evaporated into his face, he said, “what the heck are you doing?”   I replied adamantly, “this does not belong here, so I thought I’d just take it out.” Puffing under strain, I added, “and how the heck could a gardener miss this?”   With one last pull, finally Goliath fell to David.   Doug shook his head, looked around to see if any co-workers had seen his wife’s great accomplishment, and slowly got in the car.  Satisfied and smiling, I jumped in beside him, after all -our adventure had begun for the day.

The reason I recalled that story this morning is while I was walking, I discovered yet once again another weed standing out in a planter.   I’ll let you guess how I handled it.   The reason behind my madness is not that I cannot tolerate weeds in any form, because I certainly have weeds in my garden, but it is about beauty and balance.  If by pulling one weed, it can change the look and feel of space then why not just pull it out and be done with it?  I cannot allow one little weed distraction to take away the nourishment and growth of something amazing.  Call me an oddball, but I am consumed with beauty being fulfilled!

I pondered on the thought of this truth today - Maybe God’s motivation isn’t that He is so concerned about the weeds or sin in our lives.  And most likely, He is not up there obsessing about our failures.   He is just into making us something wonderful and weeds get in the way of this process.   He wants to provide us with the best possible environment to blossom in.  With the gentle tug of His tender arms, God has a way of getting to the roots in our lives – the roots that interfere with the exquisite being He so loves.    So, today I reaffirm our relationship God; - Please continue to make me beautiful Lord! 

The Music of Easter

I’ve been trying for the last 2 weeks to walk at least a mile every morning and I’ve been increasing it slowly- I ‘m up to 3.2 miles -getting ready for a 5K.  Unfortunately, my knees have not been on the same game plan, even though I have sent them the memo!  One of the drugs I have to take (for 5 years) is horrible on the joints-almost crippling.  Jogging is out – my knees explode with the simplest of tasks, so I have resigned myself to walking.   One of the great things I have discovered is the power of music while moving.   I crack myself up – the first time I put on the earphones, I literally thought I was Rocky off to train for the greatest fight of his life.  I took off lightening speed out of the driveway.  The truth is the only difference from the day before was Music! 

The other day I read a story that my cousin’s boyfriend had posted about a weird phenomena that had occurred in Pakistan.    A huge flood covered a community so much that the residents had to evacuate.  When the people returned the water was still spread out over most of the devastated area, however the trees were completely covered with spider webs.  When the floods came, the spiders took refuge in the trees.   It was creepy and had a ghastly appearance, but there was also something amazing that happened!  The presence of all these spider webs brought forth something of life giving value– a net for the mosquitoes.  The mortality rate due to malaria is 16% in this rural area!  You can image the joyful sounds even after a devastating flood –life would continue, perhaps even stronger.   

 While walking I pondered on these two concepts.  As Easter is approaching –I’ve decided that this is exactly what Easter is… the music of life from the power of Resurrection!   We need a reality check of what Easter means Everyday!  What makes you preserve?  Maybe it’s music, the strength of friends, laughter, or even prayer.  This is what we call our encouragements, however - I call it Easter!  In the middle of a crisis, there is always a thread of wonder.  What seems hopeless or over may just be the beginning of something new.  That’s all Easter too!  I’m challenged to look at problems in a completely different light; it is a place to find the music - the music of Easter.Praises to You my Blessed Redeemer!

"Umbugelical Cord"

Umbungelical  Cord  

Definition:- the invisible cord in which a mother provides life giving advice, love and nurture to her children no matter the age.   This incredible cord has the ability to stretch to amazing lengths.  It will snatch the very core of her offspring and bounce them back to their mother’s heart.   Unlike an umbilical cord , it can never be severed. 

Today, I had a breakfast meeting with a friend from a network group.  She waited until the very end of the meeting after others had left to ask me to keep her in prayer.  I said, “sure”, “what’s up?”  I had expected something horrible and was ready to stand in the gap with prayer until heaven intervened.  With tears in her eyes, she said, (dramatic pause) “my daughter has announced she is moving to Washington.”  The fact is -her daughter is 24 and a great kid.   I smiled and encouraged her, but felt her pain.  The pain of distance as our loved ones move away from home or begin that new journey in life where they don’t  need us as much.

A week and a half ago, our youngest changed his status from dependent college student to husband.  I couldn’t be happier for him or my wonderful new daughter in law, however it tugs on the heart strings of a momma knowing he is not her little boy any longer.  I rest in the fact that my chubby little 2 year old that always made us laugh is now a grown man with dreams of his own -grounded in faith, family and friends.   Our shared umbungelical cord is intact!  

 Blessings Ben and Heather!